dealing with [my?] critical spirit

In thinking through all the stuff I have blogged about here and in other discussions, I have been feeling much more liberated from the grip of guilt and fear of authority.  I feel I have been bullied by controlling people at times in my life, and I don't want to be a controller or bully myself.  I am searching my heart, and asking God to search it where I am blind, and the thought occurred to me that maybe I needed to consider whether I have an unhealthy perfectionistic desire to criticize- a "critical spirit"- and work through that with God.

I honestly, sincerely, want to speak truth IN LOVE.  I want those I "criticize" to be constructively pointed to truth for their own benefit, not simply so I can have a cosier relationship with them, though that would be a lovely added benefit of them changing over time, and is definitely a motive that can be a temptation for me.  I accept, however, that those I "criticize" may never change, and I am committed to loving the unlovely, because I myself am an unlovely person when my sin nature rears its ugliness.  I know I can be harsh and judgemental myself, and some of my posts may prove I have bitterness yet to deal with, and I don't excuse sin in anyone.

However, though I clearly have a lot of room to grow, I know for a fact that anger is part of grief, and to deny the pain is to allow the wound to go untended.  I have a need to express my feelings, and I respect the need to be real that other people have too.  I only ask that we all- me included- try to be kinder with each other.  As David Augsburger has said, "God loves whole persons", negative emotions included.  I sincerely desire for other people to see the truth and change, but the only person I can control and change is myself.  The more I work through my hurts, the more real and at peace I can become.

So I believe- though I may be wrong- that accepting an accusation of having a critical spirit would prevent me from moving forward at this time.  I certainly do need to keep tabs on my attitude and the health of my expression, but I don't believe my problem is really about having a critical spirit, though I welcome constructive criticism of my blogs and motivation.  Questioning and expressing hurt or loss is not the same thing as having a critical spirit, which is more about being negative simply for the sake of it, because I enjoy the power-trip it gives me.  Though I am certainly not invulnerable to such a thing, that's not my desire nor my purpose in writing or thinking through issues. 

As I prayerfully considered my heart in this, whether I could objectively be accused of having a critical spirit, I came across a great article about whether questioning leadership is the same as having a critical spirit.  I have the link below, and it says what I believe better than I can express it.  I feel my conscience has been deeply wounded by certain controllers because I let them guilt me that my feelings were wrong, out of fear of their reprisals if I should speak honestly.  I have a propensity to worry that I am being divisive/have a critical spirit, or on the other hand, to dredge things up over and over in an unhealthy way.

But to be real, truthful, honest- I don't want to divide people; I do want to see justice done. I accept I cannot control the outcome, but I will speak the truth in love, without fearing a critical spirit- in me, or from others.

Defining a critical spirit- what it is/what it is not:
http://latigo214.info/page5.html

"A mature leader who depends on God, rather than their own ego, can deal with difficult questions, and difficult people, without getting defensive and aggressive. They are committed to sharing the truth in a calm, respectful, mature, and helpful way with anyone who asks. They don’t require people to adopt a deferential, submissive attitude before they will agree to deal with them. They don’t need to drag people down to feel superior. They do not point and yell “critical spirit”.

They just answer questions."